How to Forge Good Character

By CHARLES DEBELAK
Founder-in-Residence

This is the third installment of Mr. Debelak's Character Education series. This academic year, through essays and videos, Mr. Debelak will discuss Birchwood School of Hawken’s character education program, explaining what we mean by good character, why we place importance on character education, and how we carry out an effective program that gets results. A companion video to this essay is linked below.

The Teaching Aspect
 
The first two articles of this series focused on the “what” and “why” of good character education. 
The “what” defines good character as the aggregate of habituated virtues which, in the collective, leads to personal growth and enduring happiness. The “why” responds to the impact that good character has on the course of an individual’s life, and it places character development in a contemporary setting which triggers a call for action. 

But now we are left with the third important question: “How?” The “how” is elusive. It is the most misunderstood or neglected of the three questions. This is because most schools or programs that claim a character education program have not wrestled with the “what” and “why.” 

Consequently, many character education programs are ineffective. They rest on slogans, banners, campaigns, and fun activities – but the value is evanescent. Over an extended period of time, they help little in shaping the character of young people. (The exception to this observation is in the domain of athletic training or musical training).

For our purposes, making the connection between the three questions persistently is the first aspect of a good character education program. Each lesson and activity of the “how” answers to the definition of good character and to the reason why good character is essential. Maintaining this connection provides clarity and confidence in planning.

 Let’s explore “how.” Drawing from the research supporting character education and from my own experience developing such programs, I suggest there are three guiding principles for establishing programs for the “how.”  The first is teaching.
 
The Teaching Component
Extolling Virtue and Disparaging Vice
 
By nature, children have the potential for both virtue and vice. In order to cultivate virtue and not vice, this potential needs to be in an environment that consistently calls out and lauds virtue while disparaging and condemning vice. It is an environment rich in positive language which awakens and inspires children to live virtuously while discouraging any form of vice. 

The propensity for virtue needs to be aroused again and again, just as the propensity for vice must be quieted and deterred. When the environment is filled with positive, uplifting language, it extols the value of hard work and self-discipline yet exposes the harm of sloth and indulgence. It celebrates acts of compassion and kindness as it uncovers the hurt done through selfishness. It admires those who embrace their responsibilities and it explains the harm done when duties are neglected.

This is the teaching aspect of character development. Its purpose is to fill a child’s world with language that uplifts young hearts. Although teaching occurs in many ways, there are a few strategies which I find effective.

Storytelling is one of the best. Whether through books, movies, or conversation, stories which highlight people of good character arouse children’s ambitions to be virtuous. The more children hear stories about great people doing great things, the more they will be motivated to emulate these heroes. The stories do not need to be about famous people. There are many examples of inspiring human lives in the day-to-day examples of people around us.

Another strategy is to introduce children to the proverbs and maxims which have guided good character for centuries. For example, nearly every culture adheres to some version of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Proverbs like this have a way of sticking in a child’s memory and affecting behaviors far into the future. Again, a timeless phrase like, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” has roused people to renew efforts when facing challenges.

I also place high value on the incessant and ubiquitous lectures from Mom or Dad. These are especially effective around the dinner table when you have a “captive” audience. There is value in repeating the SAME admonition over and over. “Be kind.” “Be responsible.” “Help others.” “Don’t quit.” “Be thankful.” So on and so on. 

Of course, we have to be realistic. Most often, wonderful lectures have little effect – at least in the short run. Teaching about virtue is the art of a gardener. Planting, watering, fertilizing, and believing that good fruit will emerge. So it is with nurturing good character. Children do not change quickly.

But a quick change is not the point. Each lecture, each reminder, nurtures the growth of virtue. When repeated, day after day, month after month, and year after year we nurture the seeds of virtue and in due time bring them to fruition. 

There is no right way to teach children about character. Only suggestions. But I do wish to emphasize that inspiring language is essential.

To be honest, creating an environment of uplifting language will also keep our own hearts inspired.


Charles Debelak is Founder-in-Residence, along with his wife, Helene. Together, the Debelaks founded Birchwood in 1984. Mr. Debelak’s writing provides parents with information about sound educational principles and child development issues gleaned from history, contemporary research, and his 50-plus years of educating, coaching, and counseling children, young adults, and parents. This article appeared in the November-December 2024 edition of the school's monthly newsletter, "The Clipboard." 
 
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